Even Panda knows colouring within the lines is overrated :)
Aaah, the tenth day into No-Chocolate-November. And you know what? I’m not missing it.
Sure, I started the month looking for those little chocolate alternatives. You know, cakes and things. And I have to admit, working not too far from a Pret, which is currently serving toasted marshmallow hot chocolate, made me feel a bit foolish I picked this time of year to do this Challenge.
But then, a week or so into it, I realised I was making a big deal of it. As I always will, I was overthinking it. Giving up one of my enemies for a month is hardly an issue. After all, it’s not the taste of the brown stuff that I actually like. It’s purely habit.
Hear me out. As someone who suffers from depression, severe anxiety and RSD (the Fun Bundle™️) , I’m so used to getting back to my Depression Pit, sitting on my bed and inhaling whatever comes in wrappers closest to my vicinity that not having crap feels odd. Like, you can’t just stop a habit you’ve had for more than 10 years and expect to feel completely whole. It’s weird.
The reason I set this Challenge for myself is because I am back in The Zone™️. I have Plans now. I’m not focused on my own lack of self-worth. I’m not focused on how much I weigh, how crap my life seems in my imagination, or that people might hate me just for existing. No. I’m focused on stuff. I’m focused on all the little things that will help me overall with my One Big Goal:
Canada.
Yes, it’s something I’ve been trying to sort since I hit 40. Yes, it’s still a way off.
No, I’m not losing hope.
All roads lead to Rome. No matter how much they bend, meander, get closed off, they still lead there. And Canada is my Rome. Eventually I know I’ll be on that road that leads directly to it, embarrassed because I was using the gammy crud-road that runs parallel to it as they look the same on the map in my head.
For now, though, it’s simply time to focus.
It’s just one little Challenge per month. One little Change at a time. One little step when one can manage it.
Until the next post.
Big Love
X X